puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
