A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
