There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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