Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
