After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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