What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
