No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
