she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize