i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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