Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
