im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
