I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day