in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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