What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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