I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica