I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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