My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.