why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos