i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
