im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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