Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
