If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
