A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
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I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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