We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
