The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Actions speak louder than pants.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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