Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm both gender and math confused
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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