Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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