I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
