1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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