she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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