Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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