I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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