I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I checked into jail on foursquare
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
