Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
