this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
