she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize