Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
