In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
