He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
