It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
