apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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