dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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