So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
