I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize