Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
