forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
