hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
