I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
did you just send me my own nude
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
