On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
