is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
