hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
