Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
