I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
