Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
