I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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