last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
