We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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