Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
