Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
