She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
