Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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