Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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