i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
