He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
