If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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