I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
