guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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