He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
