Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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