Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
