It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
