if i died would you start the facebook group?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
