dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
