I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
