I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
