I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
