The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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