guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
