that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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