the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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