also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
