Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
