And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
