How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
