chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
