And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
