Kareoke will never be a sober sport
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
