I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
