you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
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I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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